Power.

Some of us voraciously seek it, some of us have it handed to us, and many of us lose our grace when it comes into our hands. Being a leader is difficult and requires certain skills that frankly, not everyone possesses. People who idealized will inevitable fall from grace. Think of any celebrity who develops a drug addiction. Think of any politician caught in a sex scandal. Think of anyone in power who abuses it to take advantage of other people.

But it is not fair to point the finger at these “leaders” and say that they did us all wrong by somehow not being perfect. When we find ourselves in a position of leadership, why would we presume that we can be perfect? And we are being led, why would we ever assume that anybody else can be perfect for us? When we make people our gurus, our idols, or otherwise superhuman, we set ourselves up to be disappointed by them. This might seem like a pessimistic outlook, but that is not my intention at all. People are inspiring, beautiful teachers to one another. But rather than embracing only a few people as our perfect leaders, why can’t we embrace that we all have something to share?

When will people understand that it just feels better to treat others with equanimity?
Thank you, Ellen, for setting a wonderful example and reminding us of how easy it is to simple share goodness with other people.

Ellen Degeneres responds to Anti-Gay Group

“Be patient.”

If you are anything like me, being told to “be patient” acts like a magical spell that turns you into a fire-breathing dragon with steam blowing out of your ears, ready to devour everything in sight with the destruction of your rage…or at it the very least you find it a bit irritating. Being patient can be incredibly difficult, and more often than not we decide that it simply isn’t worth it and miss the opportunity to find out what might have happened on the other side of the wait. Let’s face it, we are not conditioned to be good at pausing, especially now when we have immeasurable information and communication at our fingertips basically all the time. I found myself cringing at how “long” a voicemail was the other day, only to look down at my visual voicemail and see that it was a mere 1 minute and 13 seconds…

Really? I couldn’t open my ears and listen for 1:13 without getting annoyed? Oh boy.

At what point did our lives become so fast paced that we forgot the old adage “Good things come to those who wait?” This is true in so many ways. If you are patient with your body as you train it for a physical feat such as a marathon, a heavy lift, or a new yoga pose, the results are much more beneficial than if you try and throw yourself into intensity without any preparation. If you take a cake out of the oven too early you end up with a gooey (albeit still edible…at least for most girls I know) mess. Premature babies, driving too fast and getting in a wreck, cheating on tests. None of these are good things. And let’s not pretend like we haven’t all rushed into jobs, relationships, friendships, contracts that ultimately left us standing in the burning wreckage of destroyed expectations and dashed hopes.

I think somewhere we got it into our heads that if we are being patient, it somehow means that we are soft or unable to make demands for what we need. Well, this is only true if we take the point of view that our desires are somehow more important than ourselves. That is to say, our sights narrow so that we only see the object of our impatience rather than the entire broad scope that is a very complex, full, and ongoing event called “your life.” Though it sometimes feels as though time stops when we are waiting for something, it’s just not true. You might have allowed impatience to stop you from using your time in a productive way, but the clock still ticks and you still breathe.

So the next time you feel stuck in the strangling straightjacket of haste, widen your scope. See the forest through the trees, and love what you are growing.

How much money, time, effort, and stress have you spent trying to improve yourself? We read beauty magazines, watch make over shows, read self-help books and spiritual texts, leave inspirational affirmations on our mirrors, visit the gym and yoga class like it’s our job…the list goes on and on. We do all of these things with the hope that we will forever end the toiling and striving by reaching “perfection”.
Ick! That word! That word that drives us crazy; that word we independent women of the 21st century claim to renounce, along with its implications: stepford-wifedom, a stick-thin figure, equating worth with fertility. But who among us hasn’t gotten caught up on the idea of perfection? Who among us hasn’t spent long hours trying to boost the self esteem of our girlfriends who say they would feel so much better if they could be a little more this, or a little less that. If “perfection” is not the aim, what exactly are we working towards when we are focused on our self-evolution?
The answer is simple: Opportunity. We decided a long time ago that there would be more to being a woman than cooking, cleaning, and child-rearing. But have we simply replaced this ideal with the one called “the perfect independent woman?” In either case, there is little variety to be found. Once something becomes our idea of perfection, it becomes trapped up on a pedestal, alone for eternity. So which sounds like more fun: being adored in a tower of perfection or joining a big party where large varieties of people, food, drink, and music mingle?
As you move through your day, simply notice the times when you say to yourself “I’m not ____ enough.” This is just one hors d’oeurves at the party trying to make itself the main course. Who says you have to be caviar when being a donut is just as fun (and comes with many more style options). Stop and affirm for yourself “I am a chocolate donut with pink frosting and sprinkles to boot. Take a bite outta that, Perfection!”

We’re control freaks. We’re varying degrees of control freaks, but we’re all control freaks. We can’t help it, it’s in our biological makeup. I’m pretty sure even cavemen and women knew something of jealousy, possessiveness, and greed, and I’m also pretty sure that the capabilities of these tendencies to flourish have evolved along with our brains and bodies.
We are such control freaks that we have convinced ourselves that we are able to tell the future. We can’t. What we can do, is fear that we will go down a path that is mysterious.
Give it up! You aren’t in control, and all that means is that you actually don’t know what will happen when you venture out in any given direction. Of course there is a time for trusting your instincts, but
—
In South America, some hunters employ a very interesting practice in order to capture wild monkeys. These hunters set traps by placing rice, a favorite of these monkeys, inside a coconut. The hole cut in the coconut is large enough for the monkey to get its hand into the coconut, but not large enough for it to be able to remove its hand after it makes a fist around the rice. The monkeys are always captured because they refuse to let go of the rice.
Sound familiar?
Time and again we allow ourselves to become entrapped by attachment.

New Year’s is just around the corner, and we all know what that means: Resolutions. Lots of us tend to make resolutions based on something very transient. For instance, we feel guilty for overeating over the holidays, so we resolve to lose a bunch of weight and work out every day or go on a strict diet. Then, a few months later, we let it all go again.

Let’s take it back a step and think about the word “resolve.” To have resolve is to be determined, dedicated to a particular goal or ideal. Resolve is also used when referring to finding a solution to a problem. The problem is that most of us set resolutions that have to do with the first meaning. We are rigid and set a goal that has something to do with a very temporary state. If we set resolutions with the intention that they will resolve underlying issues in our lives, we are far more likely to stick to them. If we set a resolution to “lead a lifestyle that is consistent with health and well-being,” we are far more likely to succeed than if we resolve to “lose 25 pounds by any means necessary before swimsuit season.” “Health and well-being” is an adaptable term that can serve you regardless of circumstance. If we make “health” more important than “well-being,” we might end up with a fantastic body but feel depressed and deprived.

Also, it might be helpful to set goals that have stages you can monitor through the year. For example, if your goal is to completely purge your house of clutter, set a goal to have one room done before March, another done by the end of summer, and another before the holidays. That way you have bench marks along the way. And who knows, you may end up ahead of schedule and move your goal further into purging your office, your computer, your car, or even your phone of clutter.

Resolve is something that we can always call upon. The new year is a wonderful time for us to remember this, but this year make it your resolution not to forget that you are always capable of setting goals and expanding your being.

Inertia is the resistance of an object to change in its motion.  Think of a car: it takes a great amount of effort to get a vehicle to begin moving, and it takes great effort to make it stop as well.  If you’ve ever seen or been in a car crash, you know very well that this is true. 

So, emotional inertia.  The resistance of a feeling to change in its motion.  Emotions move; the word “motion” is right there in the word.  They sweep and roll and change direction.  They fly and fall and leap.  And boy is it hard to stop them when they get going down a specific path.  Ever had that feeling of a car crash happening in your heart?  Emotional inertia.  Ever had the depleted feeling that you couldn’t even inhale deep enough to feel a sensation in the chest?  Emotional inertia.

So what are we to do?  How do we navigate the force of emotional mass?  I do not believe that it is useful to think that we should control or check emotions, but we can recognize that they are only a piece of our whole experience.  Though they might take us on an intense ride from time to time, they are only one facet of the infinitely more complex YOU.

Be intense.  But be willing to travel to the other side of intensity.