How much money, time, effort, and stress have you spent trying to improve yourself? We read beauty magazines, watch make over shows, read self-help books and spiritual texts, leave inspirational affirmations on our mirrors, visit the gym and yoga class like it’s our job…the list goes on and on. We do all of these things with the hope that we will forever end the toiling and striving by reaching “perfection”.
Ick! That word! That word that drives us crazy; that word we independent women of the 21st century claim to renounce, along with its implications: stepford-wifedom, a stick-thin figure, equating worth with fertility. But who among us hasn’t gotten caught up on the idea of perfection? Who among us hasn’t spent long hours trying to boost the self esteem of our girlfriends who say they would feel so much better if they could be a little more this, or a little less that. If “perfection” is not the aim, what exactly are we working towards when we are focused on our self-evolution?
The answer is simple: Opportunity. We decided a long time ago that there would be more to being a woman than cooking, cleaning, and child-rearing. But have we simply replaced this ideal with the one called “the perfect independent woman?” In either case, there is little variety to be found. Once something becomes our idea of perfection, it becomes trapped up on a pedestal, alone for eternity. So which sounds like more fun: being adored in a tower of perfection or joining a big party where large varieties of people, food, drink, and music mingle?
As you move through your day, simply notice the times when you say to yourself “I’m not ____ enough.” This is just one hors d’oeurves at the party trying to make itself the main course. Who says you have to be caviar when being a donut is just as fun (and comes with many more style options). Stop and affirm for yourself “I am a chocolate donut with pink frosting and sprinkles to boot. Take a bite outta that, Perfection!”

We’re control freaks. We’re varying degrees of control freaks, but we’re all control freaks. We can’t help it, it’s in our biological makeup. I’m pretty sure even cavemen and women knew something of jealousy, possessiveness, and greed, and I’m also pretty sure that the capabilities of these tendencies to flourish have evolved along with our brains and bodies.
We are such control freaks that we have convinced ourselves that we are able to tell the future. We can’t. What we can do, is fear that we will go down a path that is mysterious.
Give it up! You aren’t in control, and all that means is that you actually don’t know what will happen when you venture out in any given direction. Of course there is a time for trusting your instincts, but
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In South America, some hunters employ a very interesting practice in order to capture wild monkeys. These hunters set traps by placing rice, a favorite of these monkeys, inside a coconut. The hole cut in the coconut is large enough for the monkey to get its hand into the coconut, but not large enough for it to be able to remove its hand after it makes a fist around the rice. The monkeys are always captured because they refuse to let go of the rice.
Sound familiar?
Time and again we allow ourselves to become entrapped by attachment.

New Year’s is just around the corner, and we all know what that means: Resolutions. Lots of us tend to make resolutions based on something very transient. For instance, we feel guilty for overeating over the holidays, so we resolve to lose a bunch of weight and work out every day or go on a strict diet. Then, a few months later, we let it all go again.

Let’s take it back a step and think about the word “resolve.” To have resolve is to be determined, dedicated to a particular goal or ideal. Resolve is also used when referring to finding a solution to a problem. The problem is that most of us set resolutions that have to do with the first meaning. We are rigid and set a goal that has something to do with a very temporary state. If we set resolutions with the intention that they will resolve underlying issues in our lives, we are far more likely to stick to them. If we set a resolution to “lead a lifestyle that is consistent with health and well-being,” we are far more likely to succeed than if we resolve to “lose 25 pounds by any means necessary before swimsuit season.” “Health and well-being” is an adaptable term that can serve you regardless of circumstance. If we make “health” more important than “well-being,” we might end up with a fantastic body but feel depressed and deprived.

Also, it might be helpful to set goals that have stages you can monitor through the year. For example, if your goal is to completely purge your house of clutter, set a goal to have one room done before March, another done by the end of summer, and another before the holidays. That way you have bench marks along the way. And who knows, you may end up ahead of schedule and move your goal further into purging your office, your computer, your car, or even your phone of clutter.

Resolve is something that we can always call upon. The new year is a wonderful time for us to remember this, but this year make it your resolution not to forget that you are always capable of setting goals and expanding your being.

Inertia is the resistance of an object to change in its motion.  Think of a car: it takes a great amount of effort to get a vehicle to begin moving, and it takes great effort to make it stop as well.  If you’ve ever seen or been in a car crash, you know very well that this is true. 

So, emotional inertia.  The resistance of a feeling to change in its motion.  Emotions move; the word “motion” is right there in the word.  They sweep and roll and change direction.  They fly and fall and leap.  And boy is it hard to stop them when they get going down a specific path.  Ever had that feeling of a car crash happening in your heart?  Emotional inertia.  Ever had the depleted feeling that you couldn’t even inhale deep enough to feel a sensation in the chest?  Emotional inertia.

So what are we to do?  How do we navigate the force of emotional mass?  I do not believe that it is useful to think that we should control or check emotions, but we can recognize that they are only a piece of our whole experience.  Though they might take us on an intense ride from time to time, they are only one facet of the infinitely more complex YOU.

Be intense.  But be willing to travel to the other side of intensity.